


(No More Running Cuz) Love's A Friend of Mine

by wildrosesandpeonies



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: F/F, Family, Fluff, Gen, Love, Smoaking Canary, relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-19
Updated: 2014-07-19
Packaged: 2018-02-09 11:41:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1981641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wildrosesandpeonies/pseuds/wildrosesandpeonies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sara Lance has stopped running and Felicity Smoak is the reason why.</p><p> </p><p>Just an idea I've had bouncing around in my head. Apologies for the intensive 3rd person narrative: the characters are being super-shy. </p><p>Not beta read. All mistakes mine.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Jan 26, 2015. 
> 
> I have no plans to revise/edit this fic, so I'm adding this note. For clarification. 
> 
> I have find it hugely problematic when shippers erase other ships to prop their own. How I LOATHE when Canarrow shippers do that to Nysara (all the fucking time, cuz apparently Sara is not allowed to love anybody else but Oliver, and nobody else but Oliver is allowed to love Sara?). But... as you'll see, I'm guilty of doing that myself. I erased/denied that Sara "loved" Oliver, even though it's explicit in canon that she did. I am sorry for that. I wouldn't write that now, but this was my first femslash fic and I think I was definitely reacting to Canarrow fandom bullshit when I wrote those lines. 
> 
> Anyway, I owe nobody any explanation since this is fanon anyway, but I still prefer to have this note tagged to the fanfic.

Sara didnt know when it had happened, but she had stopped running. 

************************

She had gotten used to running. It started in her childhood when she couldn't compete with perfect Laurel. Laurel, always the over-achiever, effortless at getting the hot rich boys to like her, amazing at getting Daddy to side with her. Oh, Sara knew her family loved her, that she was her Momma's girl, but that restlessness---feeling like the black sheep--determined her outlook.

At first she rebelled by being the typical teenager and tomboy. Then she took it further. If she couldn't get those two fabulous boys her sister had, she could at least get other girls' boyfriends. But once again, Laurel had to bail her out. Daddy was disappointed. Mom, Mom. 

Always Laurel. Laurel took Oliver from her at Tommy's party. Mom finally sided with Sara on that one. Mom encouraged her to follow her dreams and get on that boat. Sara prided herself on seeing Oliver as he really was: just like her. But just like that, fate stepped in and crushed everything again.

She was always haunted by Shado. Shado who never should have died. Ivo, that Island, Slade. It seemed like too much punishment. All for getting on a boat. All for daring to take what she wanted: Oliver.

Oliver never said her loved her back. But maybe she deserved it after after that happened? Fate would never ever let her die, but she couldn't have his love. Until she met Nyssa. But with it came a price: becoming an assassin. 

Was this always the price to pay for being the black sheep? Sara let her heart turn cold and ignored her better instincts but she could never forget her family. The sound of her father's voice, the warmth in her mother's eyes, even Laurel's practically perfect in every way.

So she ran again. Ran again because she didn't want to be what she had become. Love had come at a cost, but that cost was too high. Too steep. No one, not even Oliver, could replace what Nyssa meant to her. Nyssa, who loved her when she was nothing, when she was starving and ready to die. Nyssa who gave her skills to survive. 

Sara came home to a broken Laurel. She had known about Malcolm but Starling City and her family and friends seemed worlds away when she was part of the League. Now, she saw Laurel falling apart at Tommy's gravesite. She made a promise to herself to protect her sister. She couldn't save herself, but she could save her family. Not even Oliver could save her family.

***********

But who's this? I'm glad you're alive. You're glad I'm alive. "You're cute." The awkward shy blonde stammered on. I tried to bush her off, but it's no wonder Oliver loves her. Yes, I can even that, even if he can't. 

*********************  
Sara could sense Felicity looking at her. She would find out from Oliver that Felicity had a thing for the salmon ladder, but Felicity seemed to hold her in almost something awe. Sara felt a flutter go through her heart. Oliver had come back and he was asking about Nyssa. Time for the black sheep to die.

But that didn't happen. The flutters continued but Sara continued to brush them off. She was dating Oliver. She missed Nyssa, but that chapter on her life was closed. She was settling but at least she could try to be happy. Laurel had had that. Why didn't Laurel understand? Sara found herself thinking that she had saved Laurel from the worst: Oliver. She also found herself thinking more and more about Felicity.

"You're cute." 

No, Oliver, don't ask me to move in with you. You don't want me in that way. Thank god Felicity for calling. Felicity. Felicity, are you okay?

*************

Then, the choice happened. That god-awful choice that reminded Sara too much of another time in the past. She left out guilt and remorse, but also happiness. She was with Nyssa again. Nyssa who loved her. But things didn't work out. They were on different paths now. So Sara returned home. 

******************

But here she was home again. Now she was facing her. Facing that it had all led to this. Home, this had been her home for many years now. No more running. No more of the dark days, but why was she still here? Why hadn't she run when she had always run before?


	2. Don't Need Much But I Need A Friend

"I love you, Sara Lance."

In retrospect she should have seen it coming. She had ignored the signs however. Ignored the impossible. Yes, she had come far, very far, since her early days back in Starling City. It had taken her years to beyond that girl, yes girl, and embrace the woman she was. 

She had been in love once. Once, and she had run. It's what she did best. Looking back, she even had to concede she had never really been in love with Oliver either. He just away for her to run away from responsible, expectations, the weight of a family that put her in the shadow of her sister. Of course, Laurel was brilliant and deserved everything she had. But Sara had to admit, stealing Oliver had never solely been about her crush on him. She had tried to hint the island. Not just about Laurel, but about herself as well "people aren't always what they seem."

Why should that statement made in dark days come back to reflect itself back at her now? Had she changed. She clung to her insecurities as though they were a lifeline. She clung to her darkness as though it had been the only grace given her for surviving. Surviving Ivo, Surviving the Island, Surviving Slade. Surviving her family being rebuilt when she finally came back home. Surviving the realization that she was only clinging to Oliver again because he was part of her guilt.

After she had left Starling City, the mantle of Canary had passed on to Laurel. Laurel had been shocked and aghast, but eventually accepting, of who her sister was. However, after the battle with Slade, Sara realized that was all she was. All that was left of her. She wasn't even a shell of her former self. She was a disguise. A wonderful disguise, but someone she didn't know. And didn't want to be.

What had hit her the hardest, surprisingly, had been leaving Felicity. Felicity. Of course, she liked Felicity, but Felicity, that was a dead-end road. Sara had shut her mind off to it. She had never even inquired. She certainly knew Felicity could make certain comments, but those certain comments didn't mean anything. 

But the Tech Wonder had surprised her. No, she didn't do anything invasive like put a tracker on her. But sometimes Sara would receive a postcard from Starling City. Or she would check her email and find a photo. Eventually, the postcards and emails turned into letters and networking. Sara kept her distance, but she was grateful Felicity always sent her messages telling her the ongoing things happening in Starling City. She found herself wishing she could write back, and one day she did.

That first letter was awkward. Just a 'yes, I'm safe and don't worry.' Slowly though Sara eventually found herself opening up saying things in letters she would never feel safe to say in person. About her fears, about her desires, about love. Felicity, in turn, also opened up. If Sara could be less guarded then so could she. 

The letter that brought her home was a message about Felicity saying she should have realized something all along. She had been confused at first, but now she knew. Was it too late? No, it wasn't too late. She mentioned that Diggle and Oliver were shocked but realized they shouldn't have shocked, the hints had been there all along.

Oh, that. Sara remembered how she had first fallen in love with Nyssa. Yes, it had been a shock. Yet also a comfort. Surprisingly too, when one considered she had spent her whole life stealing other people's boyfriends. Yet, here in her darkest hour, this woman not only saved her but loved her as no one ever had. That frightened Sara, but she stayed. She stayed because she could hide behind this new guise: master assassin. She knew Nyssa sense her doubt, her fears, and her disguise, but she always assumed Nyssa would understand.

Sara had been surprised when Nyssa had pursued her all the way to Starling City. But she had loved her enough to let her go. Sara, being that girl, had run to the first thing that made sense: Oliver. Except, who was she kidding? Oliver was too deep in his own denial and Sara was just using his as a bandaid. Nyssa had loved her. Loved her enough to let her go. She had loved and lost Nyssa by her own selfishness.

She was thankful love wasn't the reason she had ran from Starling City. No, she had known it was over when Nyssa had seen her at the last battle. Nyssa knew Sara had mourned her leaving, but Nyssa also had known that this Sara was like water: you can't keep it in your hands forever. 

Surveying the losses, Sara realized: I've been trying to protect everyone from me, but my home has still been hit. It made her realize how short and precious life was. She should have realized that with Ivo or on the Island, but she had been too busy trying to survive. She wanted to realize it when she first came home, after she finally broke away from the League, but she had too scared to accept this new person inside her. This person she didn't know.

Laurel had been reluctant to take up the Canary mantle at first, but Sara convinced her. Laurel learned by trial and eror, and with a little help from Dad, some intellectual empowerment from Mom. Team Arrow offered but Sara said: everyone had to find their own way. I was never one of the team, even though I was accepted. Consider Laurel's journey. She can't just join you just because you want her too.

Sara laughed realizing how different Laurel's Canary was from her own. Laurel was a Lance through and through. Although she could certainly kick ass and handle a weapon, years of being a a lawyer, of being the daughter of a detective and professor, came thorugh in her Canary. Sara knew Laurel was that way also to annoy Oliver. Even though he himself had evolved tactics, he could never get over Laurel's cross-examination of criminals. 

Sara never heard from her sister. But Felicity told her everything. The letters that Sara saved and reread. Now, that they were writing back and forth, she realized she missed being home. Also, could Felicity? But no. Of course, one should never underestimate Felicity Smoak. But still Sara, who had given up too much in her own life, did not want to place hope on something that might not be real.

Slowly, she found her way back home. Slowly, because she realized when she came back home, things would really be changed for good this time. No more hiding, no more running. Not that she had felt like she had been doing either this time around. In fact, she was beginning to think she might just be a Lance herself. But those adventures would have to wait to be told. 

Finally, one day, she arrived home. She didn't go see Felicity first. She couldn't.


	3. Don't Need No Sun to Shine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not beta read. All mistakes mine.

Felicity had to laugh. "I never thought you would be the one nervous about sex. You. Which isn't to say I wasn't nervous because you're the first woman I've ever been with. But you--always seemed so confident."

Sara smiled back. A smile lost in thought, but a smile all the same. Felicity was so loving, so grounded, but of course she would tease. "Well, you know. I've always run away from love. Nyssa did love but I got scared. And, you know, I was never really in love with Oliver."

Felicity took Sara's head and laid it against her chest. Even though Sara had barely told her anything, Felicity gleamed everything. Years of friendship had deepened into love. Love which surprised Felicity but not Sara. Sara had seen the hints in Felicity but had never pushed her. Indeed, Sara had been afraid to push--afraid if she knew the answer she would run. Running had aways been the safe bet, the sure thing.

They both lay in silence for awhile. What could be said that hadn't already been said through stolen glances and small phrases? It had all led up to this. Although Sara had to pinch Felicity just to make sure it was real. "OW!" Felicity jumped at the unexpected pinch. In turn, she pulled Sara underneath her and kissed her lips. Then she started gently moving her way down. Gentle. Sara tensed up.

"What's wrong? Tell me Sara. If you don't want this, we can end it now."

"No, I..." Sara stopped again. The words were there. What was she so afraid of? Certainly, both women knew that when a mission was at hand, Sara would always be the one to keep Felicity safe. Time and again, Sara had rescued Felicity. Felicity had long accepted that she was no fighter like the Canary was. She also accepted that Canary wasn't complete without her as the brains. They both smiled at the whispered name floating about town. Birds of Prey, they liked that.

Their friendship went longer then their professional relationship. But love had crept in slowly. Sara had seen all the hints, but she didn't confront them. She didn't lie to herself about her demons. She didn't lie to herself about her disguises. She didn't lie anymore to herself--but the temptation to run if this happened always scared her. Felicity was a friend like no other. Sara had never really had any female friends growing up--which was a given, considering she had been the unrepentance boyfriend stealer. It had taken years for her to repair the damage with Laurel, her sister, as well. But there was no closeness between her and Laurel. So she didn't want to risk things with Felicity.

Sara's thoughts were broken by Felicity. "Are you afraid you'll screw up? Are you afraid I won't love you if I see your flaws?"

Sara quietly whispered yes and found herself crying. Oh, it felt good to cry. But why should this be so weird. Why wasn't Felicity weirded out, "I'm your first girl after all!"

Whoops. She hadn't meant for that to come out. "Well, I." Felicity stuttered. Oh, that's it. That's it. But they were both too vulnerable at the moment. She knew what Sara needed to hear and she knew she needed to say it herself. Try though she might, to her, this all still felt unreal. Like a dream. Could Sara really be hers? And was she really in love with Sara? Yes, she was. But this was --surreal.

Felicity grabbed Sara's check and cupped it. "Listen. I think we need a break. I know your thoughts are weighing down on you and whatever I say you won't believe. So I'm going to go to the kitchen and make us hot cocoa. With lots of marshmellows. We'll talk. And, yes, I'm scared too. If you run, I'll know I made a mistake. So please don't run."

A mistake? What mistake? Choosing her? Sara watched as Felicity wrapped a robe around herself and emerged from the bed. Sara felt the darkness of the room closing in on her again---but that's all it was. Darkness of the room. Who was she kidding? Felicity might put on a perky face, but she was just as vulnerable. It has taken nerves of steel for Felicity to boldly grab Sara and kiss her earlier that day. The bedroom might be Sara's domain, but it was Felicity who made that first intimate move.

Sara had just dropped down from the Salmon Ladder. She was glistening with sweat, but positively glowing. Glowing with an ease and happiness she hadn't felt in years. Her old self-doubts had left her. No longer clinging to a disguise or to anything, she felt free. She had felt this way for sometime. However, she thought she hid her emotions well. Except, BOOM! A kiss landed on her lips. Not a peck either but a sweet loving passionate kiss. A kiss that wanted more. A kiss like a volcano getting ready to erupt. 

Felicity pulled back. "Sara. You. I couldn't help myself. I should have asked. I should have discussed it with you first. If this has crossed some bounds I'm sorry. I ---"

Before Felicity could say anymore, Sara kissed her back. The thought crossed her mind maybe she shouldn't have, but this was something she had longed for, something she had wanted. She wanted to feel Felicity against her lips. Their embrace lasted awhile. The soft kiss turning into a hard bite. Sadly, duty called and it kept them busy the next few days.

But duty doesn't last forever, and Sara had found herself at Felicity's door. Sara, never a romantic, had found herself bringing flowers and wine. It won't last she thought. Felicity will turn me away. We need to discuss things, she'll say. But instead. Instead, one thing had lead to another, and now here they were.

Felicity meanwhile was in the kitchen. Had she really spoken those words out loud? Don't run away, Sara. Don't run away. But what if Sara didn't want her? "Oh, that's stupid. She's been hitting on you since the day she called you 'cute.'" She thought she had muttered her frustration quietly, but her voice roared and filled the townhouse.

A guffaw came from the bedroom. Slow at first, but gradually getting louder and more uncontrollable. She was still there, her Sara was still there. Sara knew Felicity well enough by now to realize where that line had come from. It was laughter that was relief. She was no sexual experiment. No trial and then back to certain male superheroes. But the frustration?

Sara came into the kitchen. "Felicity, I know I'm the first girl you've been with, but have you been afraid to acknowledge it because I'm the first girl?"

"Yes. I mean, I realize it's different for everybody. But you and I aren't everybody. That's why I denied it for so long. Not because I thought you would reject me, but because our lives."

"I can relate to that. When I came home, I wasn't honest with myself. That's why I ran to Oliver."

"You did? Everything about that time makes so much more sense now." Felicity was in awe. How could she had been so blind? Sara wasn't infallible. She wasn't infallable. Friendship with Oliver should have taught her that, but she was still learning.

Felicity wasn't about to let the conversation go though. "Why did you tense up back there?"

"I've only been in love once. And I ran. I don't want to screw this up. However, while I'm no longer that girl who came to Starling City, I still have my fears. I have screwed so much up."

As Sara spoke, she grabbed Felicity's hand. She didn't want to let it go. It was warm from the mug she had been holding. Sara had forgotten about the hot cocoa. She used to her free hand to grab the mug from Felicity's hand and take a sip.

"You could up? You're worried about screwing up when I've wasted several years not telling you how I really feel?"

Sara eyed Felicity. "No, you didn't. You are too self-aware, Fliss. If you had spoken sooner, I would run. I'm not running now. I'm done running. We both had our demons to face. We still have our demons to face. But we're stronger together."

Sara's hand still held tightly to Felicity's. The women slowly felt the distance between them easing. Whatever happened, they would figure it out together. They realized it was them. It had always been them, and it always would be them. The cup fell to the floor. Felicity had pushed it aside as she eagerly grabbed Sara and smashed her face with a kiss. The volcano that had been holding back spilled over. Never mind if she had fumbled earlier, Sara would help her figure it all out. (Sara would tell her later she had confident all along even if she hadn't known the proper way to eat a vagina out.)

As for Sara, she felt safe. No more running. No more lies. She had stopped hiding years ago, but now as she felt her hair being run through and her ear nipped by Felicity, she realized, love wasn't a scary thing after all.


End file.
